LESLIE PETERSON SAPP
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My Beautiful Mind

1/10/2023

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A while back, I wrote a blog post called “The Poky Little Puppy” and an accompanying email called “In Defense of the Slow.” I talked about how, at 40 years of age, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, Inattentive Type. This realization has helped me to better understand some of the challenges I have had in navigating this life.
But ADD is also closely associated with having a creative mind. Artistic mind, attention deficit disorder, who knows where one ends and the other begins?


Just like the Poky Little Puppy, my mind is not good at staying on the path. It wanders off and picks flowers, attracted by the next, and the next, and the next more captivating bloom.


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My mind is not organized. Information comes in the form of so many scraps of paper, fluttering about in the wind. Projects or professions that involve any complexity seems like an insurmountable undertaking.

I’ve got a terrible memory. I often forget essential aspects of whatever task I am performing. (Recently I set off to buy new glasses, leaving my prescription at home.
)

But, I have learned something sort of fun about my mind, and how it likes to organize itself.

I was trying to develop some sort of regular, consistent, doable habit in regards to posting on social media about my art. “Everyone” was buzzing about social media.

You know, “Everyone,” don’t you? “Everyone” says:
  • You should post everyday so you can be in good with the “algorithm.”
  • Reels are the next big thing. Everyone is doing reels.
  • Stories are the thing. You’ve got to do stories.
  • First you post, then you share it all over the other “platforms.”
  • Every "platform" has specific demands, like on Twitter you can have only four pictures, but Instagram you can have ten. Stories videos are only 15 seconds long, but Reels are 90.

And so on, and so on. All that resulted from this was a panicky sense of dread.
Enter, the Mind Map.
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Here is all is. I spent hours on this silly thing.

I tried to impress my friends by sharing it with them, but they didn’t even want to LOOK at it, and who could blame them? It seems overly elaborate and faintly ridiculous now, but the one most important thing is also true: now I know.

Now I know. Social media is no longer confusing to me. I may need a reminder of the specifics, but the tiny scraps of paper have settled down into an orderly pattern. Now I understand.


As I just wrote about in my post “Evolve or Die,” I revealed that I am starting on a new body of work, inspired by archeology and deep history. It’s really exciting, and really scary. For the first time in many years, I genuinely have no idea what I am doing. It will be an adventure into the unknown.

I have been a consumer of archeology media of various kinds for years. I have two magazine subscriptions. I watch archeology shows. I listen to podcasts. Over the years, I have absently absorbed a lot of scraps of information. Over time, these bits of information started to formulate themselves into a loose, fluttery vision of the world.

I became filled with the desire to understand these little scraps in context, in an order, like maybe a mind map… or maybe… a time-line.

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A timeline.

Fueled with this new obsession, I knew that I was not going to be able to commence on my new journey of art-making without tackling this. I took a large roll of paper, and I set it on a little table. I rolled it out on my wall and tacked in down. I decided on a very general form: seven areas of the planet, drawn with seven horizontal lines. The time demarcations will be the vertical axis. But, I am still not sure what time periods I am going to depict, and where along the horizontal axis they will land. So, I started to write bits of information I find intriguing on bits of rice paper, and started to tape them up at various places. Everything at this point is in flux and movable.

I feel like a mad scientist.

In fact, I have recently learned from The Google that there is a thing called “The Crazy Wall.” It’s a meme, stemming from the media’s dramatic use of an “evidence board” real detectives use to solve crimes. It was used to most dramatic effect in the 2001 movie “A Beautiful Mind.”
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For the first time in a long while, I am creating something that I have no real intention of putting on display or trying to sell. Somehow, I just know I need to do this. I need to capture and contain what I know, but cannot yet use. Something that simply comes out of my beautiful mind.

My beautiful, inefficient, scattered, forgetful, creative, artistic mind.

A video of me about to dive into the time-line.
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Why Noir? It's Fate, Baby.

9/19/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Final Entry!


So, Why Noir?

Being an artist may look like fun, but it is tough.

Putting yourself out there for others to see is perennially disquieting. In order to make it all worth it, the subject and method has to be captivating.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Miss Darger II 24x30
I am compelled to tell a story with my art. No matter if it is based on Shakespeare, mythology, or film noir, I am driven to explore and share the landscape of my imagination.
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©lesliepetersonsapp The Knave of Swords 30x20


Similar to the myths and stories of old, the characters are driven by forces larger than themselves and are so very, very human. Often being brought down by their own drives and weaknesses, they are driven by a futile effort to cheat Fate. The themes are undying elements of what it is to be human.



In the words of the Czar of Noir, Eddie Muller, film noir is "suffering with style".



By utilizing the elastic armature of the elements of film noir, I create art that is charged with longing, adventure, romance, and intrigue. I am able to expand and deepen my skills as a person and an artist, all the while having the time of my life.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Circle Mirror 36x36
For now, I am entirely caught up in the dark labyrinth of film noir.

But who knows what future stories my art will tell?


Need more noir?

Check out The Film Noir Foundation, which restores films noir and shows them at their film festivals.

It's founder, the Czar of Noir, Eddie Muller, is also a host on TCM's Noir Alley, which shows films noir every Saturday night and Sunday mornings.


Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? The Unusual Suspects

9/16/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #9


Why is Shakespeare still so popular after all this time? It's because his stories and characters are timeless. There have been countless versions of his plays where the settings and characters’ identities are changed to bring new interpretations to the story presented.

The characters in noir are as vivid and fundamental as an archetype. They are so solid they can be dressed up in any outer appearance and still resonate, still express the noir sensibility.

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There are a profusion of examples of crime novels that star characters of many kinds, from the famous private eye Easy Rollins, to tough gay guy/investigator Dave Brandstetter.


The themes are universal and can be ascribed to any individual. So, I can change the outer identities of my characters, and it can still be noir.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Bars 16x20
The scenes in my artwork are presented without irony and are imbued with an immediacy which invites the viewer to experience the scene as a contemporary moment.


They don’t coyly refer to themselves as being "film noir" or use signifiers to make them seem like cultural artifacts.  There is no breaking down of the fourth wall.

It is as if we could walk through the picture frame and become part of the action. If this could be possible, what would we see, and who would be there?

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©lesliepetersonsapp Incognito 10x8
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©lesliepetersonsapp The Hanged Man 32x18


It is easy for me to depict white, cis-gender women. It’s more of a stretch to depict scenes with people outside my personal lived experience.

But the figures in my work and in my imagination sometimes take on a life of their own, and want to be expressed as they are: male, non-white, queer...

To not follow these impulses would, in effect, be negating their existence.

Whether I handle this successfully is a question I continually ask myself.

The adaptability of film noir characters allows me to enlarge the limits of my understanding and expression. 
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©lesliepetersonsapp Keys 40x48

Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? It's Complicated

9/14/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #8


When we are engrossed in a mystery novel, the complicated plot tangles we must unravel keep us entranced.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Pursuit 24x48
The characters in noir are caught in a web of intrigue and moral ambiguity. Their exploits involve daring and danger, plot twists and betrayals. They usually believe they can manipulate a situation to their advantage over another.

The dream I weave in my paintings is a version of myself who is, in a word: clever.

Very unlike who I really am.



In my artwork, the space can be complicated and sometimes difficult to navigate. The claustrophobic, multi-layered space illustrate the sometimes-turgid complexity of our minds and relationships.

The identity of figures is often obscured, sometimes visually competing with shadows that seem more alive than they are.

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©lesliepetersonsapp Search 48x40
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The hall of mirrors scene, The Lady From Shanghai

Mirrors, doorways and windows proliferate, creating dazzling illusions, and act as apertures into other worlds. The dark, chiaroscuro lighting symbolizes obscured meanings and secrets withheld.



Like getting into a good novel or movie, my paintings invite you to take time and decipher what is being presented.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Many a Moon 38x38

Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? The Doomed Romance

9/12/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #7


A long time ago, a wise friend counseled me, saying “Romance is about NOT being fulfilled, it’s about longing.”
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©lesliepetersonsapp Vacancy 48x40
The characters in film noir practice a lot of bad behavior. They smoke and drink, lie, cheat, extort and manipulate.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Urgent 48x24

I, on the other hand, have developed a preference for a life of minimal drama. Life is too damn short to spend it with worry and strife.

Yet, in much the same way someone may like a good war movie, yet has no desire to engage in combat, many of us achieve a certain catharsis by watching the sufferings of the glamorous figures in a film noir.

My art is charged with longing, drama, sexual tension, taboos, and covert couplings. Like a private eye, snapping a picture through a window, we espy people in places they are not supposed to be, or with someone they ought not to be with.



You could say I vicariously through my own art.

As Phyllis and Walter said in this famous exchange in Double Indemnity:

Phyllis: “We're both rotten.”

Walter: “Only you're a little more rotten.”

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Double Indemnity

Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? The Antihero and The Homme Fatale

9/9/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #6


How many times have you said to yourself, "this is a bad idea,"- then went ahead and did it anyway?
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Night and the City


Placing that call (or hitting "send").
That second drink.
Saying yes (or no).
A scheme. A move. A journey. A purchase.


How many times have our worser impulses lead us into misadventure?

This is the essence of the typical male protagonist in film noir. A guy who is presented with a choice, and even though it is a bad idea, he goes forward with his instincts, his craving, his desire, his compulsion, his desperate need, instead of what we know would be the right choice. He must live, or die, by that fateful decision.

We watch the drama unfold, unable to look away.

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©lesliepetersonsapp Backlight 38x48
Men have their own particular burden to carry. They are supposed to do, to achieve, attain, and win. But the world does not have a level playing field. Additionally, he knows that when the going gets tough, he's the one who is expected to run into the fray, stare it down and fix it. But what if it is unfixable?

The strive to win against all odds is often what motivates Antihero- or the giving up is what fuels his self-destruction.


The Homme Fatale
Not all Fatales are Femme.⁠ Any androsexual will tell you so.

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A fatal attraction to the “bad boy” is the plight of many an otherwise prudent woman. Many are compelled to “fix” or heal a wounded man.

The bad boy seems like a shiny, bright apple on the tree of life, just out of reach. Women tell themselves, “If only I could reach him, hold him, heal him. Then he would be mine.”

But this is an illusion. Another cathartic mechanism in the fantasy world of film noir.

In the real world, such men are exasperating at best- dangerous at worst.

The simple fact is, in our society, men suffer from emotional isolation and alienation. This is no cakewalk, and should not be in any way romanticized.

Yet, the figure of the bad boy, the homme fatale is as romantic as they come.


There is a type of strength that we associate with the quiet suffering we associate with masculinity. The lonely man, isolated and aloof has great dramatic and sexual appeal.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Look Out 30x24
But here we must ask the age-old question; is the catharsis we gain from art worth the messaging it perpetuates?
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©lesliepetersonsapp The Boxer 30x40

Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? The Femme Fatale

9/7/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #5



First, let us examine the word Femme.⁠ Merriam-Webster:⁠

Femme: ⁠
1. an adult female person⁠
2. a lesbian who is notably or stereotypically feminine in appearance and manner⁠

⁠Its French, you know? It comes from the French word for woman.

Next, let us examine the word Fatale.
⁠
⁠Another French word. It means "fatal”.

Merriam-Webster:

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©lesliepetersonsapp Queen of Diamonds 30x20
Fatal:
1. a. causing death
b. bringing ruin
c. causing failure

2. a. determining one's fate
b. of or relating to fate
c. resembling fate in proceeding according to a fixed sequence

Put them both together, and it becomes:

Femme Fatale:⁠
1. a seductive woman who lures men into dangerous or compromising situations⁠
2. a woman who attracts men by an aura of charm and mystery⁠



The Femme Fatale is like a fairy tale princess turned on its head. She is the anti-princess. Her nemesis.

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The word “nemesis” is often used to refer to an arch enemy or polar opposite, or, as my friend Merriam-Webster sez, “a formidable and usually victorious rival or opponent”.

But I like to think of her in astrological terms.

Astrologically, nemesis is a theoretical star that may have once been a twin star of our sun. A Femme Fatale is a mysterious dark star, a nemesis to the bright, sunny fairy tale princess of my childhood.

But if she is so evil, why do we love her so much?
Be good, be patient, look pretty and maybe the prince will come and save you. I was taught that as a girl, it was the foundation of my world view and identity. I had no examples of powerful, non-domestic women in my life. Into this vacuum stepped the only example of feminine power available to me: the Femme Fatale.

Classic film noir emerged during a time of immense social upheaval. Women had gone out into the working world during WWII, then were abruptly required to get back to the home and be nice. The Femme Fatale was an expression of this anxiety, an attempt to vilify powerful women and shame them back into the kitchen.
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Barbara Stanwyck in Double Indemnity
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Gloria Grahame in The Big Heat
Though she is usually regarded as a destructive force of evil, in actuality she is often portrayed with layers of nuance- if you care to look. It is often clear that she is a woman who doesn’t have a lot of choices. She is trying to flip a bad situation to her advantage, perhaps turning the tables of power back on the men who use and control her. For me, the Femme Fatale is often infused with a tragic quality: a resourceful gal, just trying to make the best from a bad hand dealt.
In the course of my personal maturity, I am finding my way to a healthier embodiment of power.

It has taken most of my adult life to build up some understanding of how to be an entrepreneur, which is essentially what a professional artist is.

I’ve had a lot of catching up to do.


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©lesliepetersonsapp Blue Room 40x40
But all the while, I still rejoice in the cathartic glorification of my dark princess, the lost twin star, our nemesis, the Femme Fatale.

For Extra Credit!
A fabulous article: In Defense of Villainesses, by Sarah Gailey- so much fun!


Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? The Art and Style of the Era

9/5/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #4


Any artist will tell you, the key to artistic maturity is to discover one's own unique, consistent language. I seek to find a balance of representation and abstraction.

Modern Art, and design in the Modernist period dealt with this specifically.

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Italian travel poster, Mario Puppo, 1948
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Italian travel poster, Mario Puppo, 1941
While experts say Modernism died with the onslaught of WWII, I think it was a part of the cultural zeitgeist well afterwards, especially in popular culture.
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Blind Minotaur Led through the Night by Girl with Fluttering Dove, Picasso, 1935
My style is evocative of the painting and graphic arts that were contemporary with the hey-day of film noir. So, not only do I learn from films noir directly, I also love the style of the era, and let this inform the way I choose to depict the subject.
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The Little Fish, Max Beckmann, 1933
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Charles Sheeler, Canyons, 1951
Much like how I engage with the subject of film noir, I like to find the essence of what I am seeing and try to express it with forthright simplicity.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Glass Houses 30x28

Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? Studying Film Noir Makes Me a Better Painter.

9/2/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #3


Many film noir aficionados know that American film noir was born from German Expressionism,
an art movement that started at the turn of the 20th century, and encompassed painting, theater, music, literature, and the brand-new medium of film.
It sought to express emotion and subjective experience by using symbolism, exaggeration, and distortion. In painting, the elements of design were used to support a narrative.

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"M" 1931 Fritz Lang
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"The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" 1920
In cinematography, the techniques used included deep focus, extreme camera angles, dramatic lighting shone from raked angles, and chiaroscuro (which is a painterly technique developed during the Renaissance where use of deep variations of light and dark is used to enhance mood and create dramatic effect).
I consider the masters of film noir my teachers as well as my inspiration. By studying their cinematographic virtuosity, I have become a better narrative painter.

Because the noir aesthetic is so specific, I am obliged to narrow my focus and deepen my decisions, which has honed my skills.

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"Crossfire" 1947
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©lesliepetersonsapp Lamplight 40x48
I have become better at marshaling the elements of design, such as value, arrangement, and scale. I believe these skills transcend any specific style and will translate to other subjects as my creative interests evolve.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Exit 28x18

Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.
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Why Noir? Begin the béguin

8/31/2022

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A series on how film noir inspires my art- Entry #2


Begin the béguin
bé·guin|\ bā-gaⁿ \ noun \ bi-ˈgēn\

Definition of béguin
1. a :infatuation
2. a :a vigorous popular dance of the islands of Saint Lucia and Martinique that somewhat resembles the rumba

Etymology: American French béguine, from French béguin flirtation


How did I start my film noir obsession?
Picture©lesliepetersonsapp
I was in a state of transition with my art. Unsatisfied with the work I had been doing at that time, I went back to basics and started experimenting, and taking classes from Mark Andres. I was engaging in an exercise to copy a film still in the style of a painter of my choice. My choice was to do a still from The Bad and the Beautiful, in the style of the German Expressionist, Max Beckmann. I entitled it “Lana Turner Lost in the Land of Beckmann” The drama of the subject, matched with the freedom of Expressionist painting was a revelation.


I was hooked.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Fatale 30x36 Collage on panel
At first, I created my art directly from screenshots of films.  They were very altered, but from specific scenes. Gradually, the images kept getting more and more altered, until I started to create my own scenes.

Anticipate was the bridge. This was based on a scene from The Killers, but it was so altered, there would be no way to identify it as coming from that movie.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Anticipate 16x20 Collage on panel
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Blue Room was the first absolute original. I dressed myself up in costumes and took pictures of myself. From those pictures, I stitched together a scene with multiple figures, creating my own movie, as it were.
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©lesliepetersonsapp Blue Room 40x40 Collage on panel
Now ideas emerge from multiple sources. I may be inspired from a film scene or photograph, or I may want to express something from my own imagination. The people I paint are slivers of my own soul, maybe even archetypes of our collective soul.
The scenes in my artwork are presented without irony and are imbued with an immediacy which invites the viewer to step into the scene as a contemporary moment. If we could walk through the picture frame and become part of the action. If this could be possible, what would you see, and who would be there?
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©lesliepetersonsapp Miss Darger II 24x30 Acrylic on panel

Why Noir? is a series! Read 'em all.

​Entry #1: Why Noir?
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